Duped by TV Royalty: My Bizarre Richard & Judy Story

Two months after the horror of September 11, while much of the world was terrified to travel, including the Aussie rugby league team, I found myself wandering the wintery streets of England with a guitar strapped to my back and a ridiculous mission ahead of me. I had lost a bet.

The punishment? Busk door-to-door across Britain in the middle of winter and somehow make enough money to fly myself home to New Zealand. (For U.S readers, busking is street singing.)

That bizarre journey would eventually become my first book UK on a G-String. But hidden inside the adventure is a bizarre story: the day Britain’s most famous TV couple appeared to hand me a ticket home on national television, only for me to discover I’d been completely duped.

To this day, I regret not going to the UK press, but I was younger, and naive, and didn’t want my book deal to fall off a cliff. If it happened today, socials would explode. But it was a very strange time. The UK felt tense, uncertain, nervous. The world had changed after 9/11. Back home friends warned me not to go.

“You’ll get beaten up.”
“There could be bombings.”
“People won’t open their doors.”

I went anyway. Armed with nothing but a guitar, a New Zealand flag sticker and an All Blacks logo slapped onto my case, I landed in Stratford, East London, long before the Olympics transformed it into the polished area it is today.

Day 1 – I knocked on doors and and asked if they’d like a song in exchange for money? Terrifying.

Some doors slammed instantly. But then there were the unforgettable moments, like the family in Sheffield. A big Yorkshire bloke answered the door with a grin and invited me inside while his family drank coffee and ate hot scones. His kids played piano in the corner while I sang songs in their lounge. I stayed for hours. When I finally left, they gave me ten quid.

After weeks of trudging around Britain, often soaked by rain, I was getting close to my £500 goal.

Then something unbelievable happened. I got an email from Richard & Judy, who had seen my story online and asked me to join them on their show.  For younger folk who may not realise: Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan weren’t just TV presenters. They were British television royalty. Their daytime programme pulled in millions of viewers.

I was shocked to receive an invitation. A Kiwi idiot with a guitar with just one song was sitting in a London TV studio surrounded by celebrities, free food and television executives. I remember arriving in a black sleek Mercedes thinking: This is surreal.

Then, the interview. I told stories from the road, cracked jokes, sang song. And then, live on national television, Richard reached under the couch and pulled out a crisp white envelope.

He smiled. “Here’s an open return ticket to New Zealand.”

I froze. Judy leaned forward. “So when are you going back?”

I tried to swallow, couldn’t. “When’s it for?”

“It’s open,” Richard replied. “Anytime you like.”

A free ticket home. From Richard and Judy. On national television.

I floated out of that studio and bought myself a massive breakfast at a café near the station. Then I opened the envelope. A battered old boarding pass slid out. Used. Already flown. Issued to a man named Graham Barley.

I sat there stunned. I’d been stitched up.

Somewhere out there is a man who unknowingly became part of one of the strangest moments of my life.

And after all these years, I still wonder: Did Richard and Judy know exactly what was inside that envelope?

Thank you so much to the team at Storylines New Zealand, and also to the wonderful schools we visited in the Hawke’s Bay. I was lucky enough to be in a van with some inspiring Kiwi authors: Michel Mulipola, Kate De Goldi, Story Hemi-Morehouse, Sharleen Forbes, and Heather McQuillan.

‘Pull the ugliest face you can’!

Schools in the Hawke’s Bay we visited –

Argyll East School – Tinokino School – Waipukurau Library – St. Joseph’s School  – Waipukurau – The Terrace School – Waipukurau School – Takapau School – Central Hawkes Bay College – Waipawa Primary School – Te Awa School – Richmond SchoolWilliam Colenso College – Napier Community High School – Nelson Park School
Meeanee School – Greenmeadows School – Taradale Primary School – Hereworth.

My favourite questions during my talks? 

‘Did your dog really eat the bathroom?’

‘How old are you?’

‘Have you ever kissed a girl?’

Look at these cool cats below – so alive and intuitive. Great writers of the future. 

It was great to introduce kids to my novels Freakout Island, My Best Worst Year, Stowaway Daze and The Underers. For the little ones I read Nanas With No Manners and My Dog Ate the Bathroom. Note: I write for all ages; my books for children are written as Justin Christopher.

As a child, I never forgot these visits, it’s so important that Aotearoa’s tamariki continue to have the opportunity to be inspired by writers, illustrators, and artists from their own land.

How did we make a difference? Good question, I have one story. At one particular school I didn’t realise the significance of a shy boy at the back of the class. At the end of my talk he stood and quietly said, ‘I wrote a book.’ I wondered why the teacher was filming him. As the class emptied the teacher told me that due to Alcohol Fetal Syndrome the boy often never communicated, engaged, or connected with the class. That day he felt comfortable enough to speak.

New Zealand teachers are incredible and they are not paid enough. 

Below are reviews from those teachers who are not paid enough. 

For more information about Storylines head to their website – www.storylines.org.nz.

You’ll find more about my books for children at www.justinchristopherauthor.com.

I seem to get more and more readers from outside of New Zealand, so if you’re reading this please get in touch. I am more than happy to travel and bring my stories and bad jokes to your schools or events.

Below, Te Mata Peak and Napier in the Hawke’s Bay.

Visit if you can, it’s a stunning part of the country.

Ngā Mihi.

We’d all be lying if we said our dog hadn’t eaten something in our house.

Puzzle pieces, a hairbrush, or the last chapter of the book you were reading.

But nothing beats the tale of Mr Nut, who in this story eats the BATHROOM, and far worse. If you loved the humour of my earlier book Nanas With No Manners, you’ll love My Dog Ate The Bathroom. Thanks to Raymond McGrath for the outrageous illustrations. 32 pages of wonderful madness.

I really hope you enjoy this book.

PRE-ORDER BELOW – although the book will be available at all good stores across NZ and AUS!

Dorothy Butler Book Shop

TimeOut Books

Whitcoulls