shop big attitude

In my children’s novel ‘Shot, Boom, Score’ the main character (Toby) often visits his grandma in her second-hand shop named ‘Junk and Disorderly.’ The inspiration for this came from a nearby shoe repair store, whose owners told banks on either side to bugger off when they wanted to bowl its premises. The grandma in my novel finds herself in a similar situation as told by Toby in chapter two:

Today I went to visit my grandma. She owns a shop on the main street in the middle of town called ‘Junk and Disorderly’. It sells really old things, like paintings and chairs and tables you normally only see in old photos. But she’s also got cool stuff, like a wind-up monkey with wheels instead of feet, and lots of medals from the war. There’s a medal in a locked cabinet no one is allowed to touch, not even me. It’s a shiny gold five-pointed star with a red-and-blue ribbon. It has a ‘GRI’ written on it in big curly writing, and ‘The African Star’ in eeny-weeny writing. Grandma told me the medal is worth a lot of money. Every time I visit I go straight to that cabinet and look at the medal. It’s almost my favourite thing in the shop, apart from the pinball machine with lots of girls with no clothes on.

sue pollard

It was the accent that got me. Making a cuppa in the kitchen in-between songs on our radio show I heard the indecipherable voice of Sue Pollard (Peggy from Hi-de-Hi!).
Check out the frog handbag. What a happy lady. Sadly, my excitement wasn’t matched by workmates ten years my junior. ‘It’s…you know…the lady in yellow from Hi-De-Hi!’

‘Who?’

dic pic

Looking forward to our radio show tomorrow. Artist Dick Frizzell explains the motivations and processes that went into the creation of the New Zealand Herald’s 150th birthday wrap cover. He’s always a good laugh – and way better at scribbling than I. Regardless, for you, Mr Frizzell, a Dick Pic.

laughNew Zealand boxer David Tua has nine shots in his coffee every day. No harm done – you’d think. Until I tried it during our radio show. Never have I found ads I hear every day so hilarious. I was so exhausted after this episode I had to go home for a lie down.

I’m happy to say that two of my travel books are now available to read on your Kindle. UK on a G-string is a tale about door-to-door-busking (I only had one song) around the Motherland and trying to make enough money for a flight home. The US version is called One Man, 23 Beers and a Crazy Bet. Next on my bucket list was an attempt to play golf around the U.S with whoever featured on the front page of the newspaper. In Search of Swingers was the result: a terrifying, yet liberating, glorious failure, full of crazy characters and surprisingly, very little golf. For more info on these titles head to my website. Enjoy!

THE DOG THAT ATE THE BATHROOM (as read by author's children who were paid in lollies)

Recently I got my two girls (Sophie and Georgia) to read THE DOG THAT ATE THE BATHROOM. Just click on the cover to hear. I think they did a great job, though British accents weren’t part of the original plan. There were a lot of laughs. Maybe I should post the unedited version one day.

Bowling Through India - for free

For the next five days you can grab my travel memoir ‘Bowling Through India’ for NOTHING from Amazon. Don’t panic if you’re not into sport. Here are one reader’s comments: ‘Fantastic story of friendship male bonding and cricket. Far from your typical travel book you learn as much about the ways group of men treat each other as you will about India. Highly recommended.’

So get to it – and enjoy!