It’s official, the Kiwi accent has been voted the sexiest in the world. To celebrate, here are a few sayings from my book Kiwi Speak to reinvigorate your lexicon. Sweet as?

‘How ya garn?’ – Kiwis are right into shortening things: jail terms and odds on Bledisloe Cup matches spring to mind. Alas, it’s no different with words. After all, why waste your time on, ‘Good day, fine sir, how would you be on this splendiferous morning,’ when you could get away with the above?

‘Piss’ – In New Zealand booze is otherwise known as ‘piss.’ You can get pissed, get on the piss, sink piss, take a piss, take the piss, or be as weak as piss. Note – when in a bar on the piss you might also get pissy about a piss pour which is, for want of a better word, piss poor.

‘Mean, bro, mean!’ – Your great grandpa called it ‘Tip Top.’ These days ‘mean’ translates to wicked or mint, as in, ‘two snapper on the same line, mean!’

‘Chully Bun’ – Known in Oz as an ‘esky’, this portable ice chest can be used as a seat, cricket stumps, or even a motorised vehicle should you feel like getting arrested. Be sure you get the Kiwi pronunciation right: Chully Bun.

Manus – ‘Ya manus, you didn’t put your togs and jandals in the boot! Well, no worries, she’ll be right – we’ll just mish down to the bach after some kai with the whanau.’

THE DOG THAT ATE THE BATHROOM (as read by author's children who were paid in lollies)

Recently I got my two girls (Sophie and Georgia) to read THE DOG THAT ATE THE BATHROOM. Just click on the cover to hear. I think they did a great job, though British accents weren’t part of the original plan. There were a lot of laughs. Maybe I should post the unedited version one day.

This is the latest picture book I’m working on with illustrator Guy Harkness. Like many things, the project started out as a joke. My daughter and I were bored one afternoon and tried to think of the craziest thing we could think of. A dog called Mr Nut who ate bathrooms came to mind. My daughter took the book to school and the response was great. Damn! Now we actually had to do something about it! We’re working on it. Story is complete – pics are almost there.Image