posted on December 15, 2013 by Justin in Uncategorized
1. I dont mind if our renovations aren’t finished by Xmas
2. I’ve just started Weight Watchers
3. Aren’t the staff friendly at the malls at the moment?
4. How’s this for luck? Boss has asked me to work New Year’s Eve
5. I’m not drinking at the work Xmas party
posted on December 11, 2013 by Justin in Random Style
posted on December 10, 2013 by Justin in Blatant plugs
Here’s a Christmas song I wrote with my mate Dean Young. Lyrics weren’t an issue. Getting 10,000 sheep to sing in tune took a little longer. Enjoy.
posted on December 9, 2013 by Justin in Wordy advice
Writing a novel is akin to solving a Rubik’s Cube. With vaseline on your hands. Underwater. Blindfolded. But it’s also FUN. Sometimes you just need a final push to get you over the line. Perhaps visualization could work. When my daughter struggled with high jump at school she imagined a knife-welding pirate was chasing her. (Violent class).
Here are some tips I often use to get the job done:
Ask yourself – what is the worst thing I can do to this character, then do it.
Download the Freedom app. Sure, you’ll miss out on baby photos and recipes on Facebook, but you’ll get a whole lot more done.
Find the weakest scene in your novel and DELETE IT. Don’t hold back. You’re not a scene collector, you’re an author. Find the next weakest scene. Are you brave enough to REPEAT? Ultimately you are trying to fit a lake into a cup without spilling a drop. Only you will know what was (and wasn’t) left out.
Introduce a new character halfway through who makes things worse.
Short paragraphs are easier for the reader.
Switching between Word and Scrivener helps with perspective.
Enjoy yourself.
If you’re lacking spark or confidence, listen to what Ricky Gervais told Time magazine.
None of that helps? Perhaps imagine a knife-welding pirate is chasing you. Or do what the masters do: drink.
posted on December 5, 2013 by Justin in Random Style
Turning 40 has me in a contemplative mood, so here are a few things I’ve learnt in the past four decades.
1. Yelling at the TV does nothing for the outcome of your favorite sports team
2. Arseholes get promotions
3. Once you’ve been burgled, you’ll never arrive home and think you haven’t been
4. Tequila is Satan
5. Girls come and go. Friends go and get beer
6. Aging doesn’t just happen to other people
7. Persistance isn’t sexy
8. No one knows what they’re doing. Those who look like they are, can only explain it by looking back
9. You’ll never stop writing ‘Yes please’ when a form enquires about your sex
10. Any funeral will set you off if you have formerly lost someone close
11. Don’t offer to write on the whiteboard if you don’t know how to spell
12. You will cry at the birth of your first child. Or any child for that matter
13. And probably at your wedding
14. Nothing beats learning a musical instrument or a language.
15. Crazy socks matter
16. Bad smells can bring good memories. Sewerage for this author = Barcelona
17. Sleepwalking can be dangerous
18. That hipster over there likes Huey Lewis and the News but can’t tell anyone
19. Everyone is facing their own battle
20. Eating green leaves gives you energy
21. Mechanics confuse you on purpose
22. Even Hawaiians have Mondays
23. Your parents knew where you were every goddamn second of the day
24. ‘Two sides to every story’ is a cliche until your friend ends up in the shit
25. Instead of giving us time to relax, modern technology just makes us do more
26. Life speeds up mainly because, unlike kids, adults do the same dreary stuff every day
27. You can have crap days on holiday
28. Just because the title says ’40 THINGS’ doesn’t mean you need to write ’40 THINGS’
Set your own rules. Use the force. Have an awesome life.
posted on November 27, 2013 by Justin in Uncategorized
It could be a long day
posted on November 24, 2013 by Justin in Random Style
I could barely sleep the night before Kenny Baker (the man who played R2D2) was set to join us on our radio show. And what a gentleman. 3 feet 8 inches tall, Kenny was a circus and cabaret performer before getting a phone call from George Lucas in 1977 that would change his life. Who knew there were two R2s? In the original Star Wars films, there were two models, one that was remote controlled and rolled on three wheeled legs, and another which was worn by Kenny and walked on two legs. Also a surprise was discovering Kenny’s lesser known role as Paploo the Ewok.
Most interviews have at least one awkward moment and the one with Mr Baker came when he asked if I might lift him onto a chair in the studio. It should be said the chairs we use for radio are relatively high, designed to almost fall onto from a standing position. But not when you’re 3 feet 8 inches. I thought lifting Kenny might be similar to lifting a toddler. Wrong. I gingerly put my hands underneath the armpits of a 76-year-old sweaty, muscular man and hoisted him onto the seat. He laughed and gave out a satisfying grunt. What a strange Tuesday.
‘Kenny, could we have a quick photo before you leave?’
‘Great, you jump in the wheely bin.’
‘Ah…sure.’
posted on November 18, 2013 by Justin in Random Style
Or so said hunter and businessman Davey Hughes, whose memoir (Untamed) we wrote together a few years ago. Clearly Melissa Bachman, who produces programmes on the American outdoors, had never heard the saying normally reserved for kids when they think it a good idea to shoot a small bird, or any other defenseless animal. Look at that beautiful, big old cat. What a waste. And what a sad grin on the perpetrator.
posted on November 17, 2013 by Justin in Blatant plugs
During our life-changing journey that became the bestselling book Bowling Through India, it was somewhat ironic the Black Craps (as our five man cricket side was known) should end up playing cricket in a cemetery in Varanasi, otherwise known as the City of Life. The tombstones were used as stumps and a Catholic caretaker tried his best to keep games to a minimum – until we turned up. Thanks to The VC and photographer Brendon O’Hagan for providing this slideshow of our unforgettable match.
posted on November 17, 2013 by Justin in Blatant plugs
In my children’s novel ‘Shot, Boom, Score’ the main character (Toby) often visits his grandma in her second-hand shop named ‘Junk and Disorderly.’ The inspiration for this came from a nearby shoe repair store, whose owners told banks on either side to bugger off when they wanted to bowl its premises. The grandma in my novel finds herself in a similar situation as told by Toby in chapter two:
Today I went to visit my grandma. She owns a shop on the main street in the middle of town called ‘Junk and Disorderly’. It sells really old things, like paintings and chairs and tables you normally only see in old photos. But she’s also got cool stuff, like a wind-up monkey with wheels instead of feet, and lots of medals from the war. There’s a medal in a locked cabinet no one is allowed to touch, not even me. It’s a shiny gold five-pointed star with a red-and-blue ribbon. It has a ‘GRI’ written on it in big curly writing, and ‘The African Star’ in eeny-weeny writing. Grandma told me the medal is worth a lot of money. Every time I visit I go straight to that cabinet and look at the medal. It’s almost my favourite thing in the shop, apart from the pinball machine with lots of girls with no clothes on.